12 August 2013

where do we go from here?

I promise that listening to the "Once More, With Feeling" soundtrack is not the only thing I've done since graduation.

I promise.

But I do have the whole episode almost memorized word-for-word now. Maybe it's a good thing I never see my neighbors.

So much angst I can't stand it!

{Yes, I will make the argument that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the best television show ever produced. It has no comparison. There is no competition.}

"It's getting eery, what's this cheery singing all about?"
I'm a college graduate now. Is it weird that the only thing I'm going to miss about my collegiate experience is being able to use the Adobe Creative Suite for free? I mean, Photoshop and InDesign are really, really cool.

Okay, I'll probably miss the free public transportation too.


I don't know where to go from here. I spent so long with graduation, graduation, graduation as my goal that now that I've checked that box I'm not sure what to do with myself.

I didn't plan this far ahead.

There are things I want to do, sure. There are things I feel driven to accomplish. But my life right now is better defined by what I don't want.

I don't want to still be unmarried and childless at 30. Don't give me that 'your twenties are to experience the world' bullshit, 30 is too old to start having babies. Have 'em while you're young enough that you can still fool yourself into thinking you can keep up with them.

I don't want to lose myself in the system of the daily grind. One of the main arguments against capitalism in Marxist theory is that the constant demands of feeding and clothing and providing for oneself and one's family in a system rigged against the individual allows 'the system' to flourish without express consent or legitimate consideration of the oppressed. While I want to work in a field I love and provide a decent living for those babies I should start having before 30, I don't want to let that eclipse what's really important--people. Partner, children, friends, tradition and honor and family.

I don't want to be trapped in the Matrix. There's something horribly, fundamentally wrong with the world, and it's going to hell in a hand-basket. Have you seen the news lately?
  • Apparently the 4th amendment doesn't mean anything anymore, and when a man blows the whistle on unconstitutional warrentless searches of the information of his fellow Americans, he's called a traitor and forced to flee the country.
  • A man can get away with murdering an unarmed teenage boy because, obviously, that young man shouldn't have been out on a public road in the town where he lives walking to and from buying candy. Oh, wait he was wearing a hoodie? That makes killing him okay, because we all know hoodies are endowed with super scary demons that possess the wearers and make them gangbangers and drugrunners and pimps and the devil all rolled up into one. No, that doesn't sound right? Not a race issue my ass.
  • When crazy people be crazy and shoot other people, apparently now that makes it okay to ban the rest of us from owning guns. I have said before and I will say again, forever and ever; crazy be crazy, not crazy be not crazy--if they want to kill a bunch a people they'll find away to do it whether or not they have easy access to high-power firearms. But the plus side to being not crazy should be that no one gets to tell you what you can and can't own.
  • And yesterday, there was a giant sinkhole in Florida. The world is literally falling apart.
Is it weird that I don't want to be on the front lines of that?

So what do I want?

At the risk of sounding like a broken record--

I just want to find a nice girl and marry her and have a bunch of babies and go off and live in the forest in a little house with maybe some chickens and goats. We'll come out once or twice a month to make sure the world hasn't actually ended. And you're welcome to come with us.

I realize this is a very strange life goal that will probably need to be edited and revised many times in the future, but it's all I've got right now.

So, with the awful beginning going-to-college-becoming-an-adult part of my life behind me, where do I go from here?

Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
The battle's done, and we kind of won,
So we sound our victory cheer.
Where do we go from here?

1 comment:

Anne Louise said...

You are a fabulous writer. And hilarious. (Just read the 'bonding' moment a couple posts down. :) )

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