30 January 2012

Eventually, You Know, I Will Get My Act Together

Hello there.

This morning I decided I was a really really flexy person, and while that was pretty cool at the time my body is now screaming, "Thigh muscles! Thigh muscles! Ow! Ow! Thigh muscles! And I don't know what you did to make your shoulder blades feel like this, but they hurt too! And just so you didn't forget it's here, your knee still hurts! Ow! Ow! Thigh muscles!"

And I'm all, "Shut up! You do what I say! You totally thought it was fun and exciting this morning, so you don't get to change your opinion now!"

We're really into yelling here, apparently.


My ward choir (of which I am a member) sang the most awesome arrangement of 'Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd' yesterday. That was cool.

And then I was all drippy for the remainder of Sacrament Meeting. So that was less cool. It's impossible to sing the closing song when you've got tears leaking out of your face.


I hate to inundate you with less-than-appropriate biblical pieces, but this one's . . . oh gosh . . .

1 Kings 12:10-11
     And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our hoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins.
     And how whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.
Rehoboam did not have the most subtle of friends. I fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I still can't even type this without grinning like a loon and making the people around me at the library think I'm some crazy woman on crack or something. Hehe.


I totally just realized that I'm wearing both a lacy sweater and large clunky hiking boots. Cool. If this sweater wasn't so itchy I might do this more often.


The end.
Love always,
(אשלי שייפר)

25 January 2012

Music Wednesday +

A few interesting tidbits.

Today is a funky day. And it's not just because I still have tendrils of pain and confusion left over from the migraine that sprung up on me last night, and it's not just because my mother was right about the soreness coming back from my fall on the ice (If I was into baring mass amounts of skin, I could show you my bruises. But I'm not, so I won't. But they're pretty cool.). No, today feels funky because my ritual was interrupted.

Every morning I pick up a copy of the New York Times and start to read it before class. This involves being very careful not to touch my face with ink-smudged fingers and silently (more or less) cussing out whoever it is that puts my paper together out of order. But today... A section, B section, C section, D section... they were all in order. I didn't know what to do with myself, or with the residual anger I store up to take out on that poor anonymous newspaper-constructor every morning.

You remember King Josiah from the Old Testament, right? Ruled in righteousness, restored the Law of Moses, yada yada yada.

The interesting part?

Josiah was eight when he became king. He ruled for thirty-one years. That makes him age thirty-nine at his death. His son, who ruled after him, was twenty-three when he inherited the throne. That means... (drum-roll, please) ... ... that Josiah begat (to use the properly biblical expression) his heir when he was sixteen years old. Remember how I've said I read Shakespeare for the naughty parts? I kind of secretly read the Bible for the same reason. But apparently teen pregnancy is okay as long as you're ruling a nation. I'll have to keep that in mind.


Confession #1: I have a slight obsession with Weird Al, which is only exacerbated by the knowledge that he's been performing continuously since way before my dad was my age and so it's like some bizarre cross-generational bonding thing in my head.

So, if there are any Weird Al haters out there, I'm sorry for the content of this post. And I'm also concerned about the condition of your soul, but that's another matter.

"Weird Al" Yankovic - 'Smells Like Nirvana'

"Weird Al" Yankovic - 'Amish Paradise'

(I'm sorry, but the lyrics to this song are genius. This is one of my favorite songs, like, ever... and I don't know what that says about my taste...)

"Weird Al" Yankovic - 'Alternative Polka'


Confession #2: For some mysterious reason, I know every word to Madonna's 'Like a Prayer'. It's weird, because that's not a song I listen to very often. But it came on the radio this morning, and I got every single word right as I sang along. And I don't even know why I'm talking about this, because Madonna is not part of today's Music Wednesday festivities.

Dishwalla - 'Counting Blue Cars'

The Offspring - 'Self Esteem'

Dashboard Confessional - 'Belle of the Boulevard'

The Black Crowes - 'She Talks to Angels'


Love always,

17 January 2012

Another Something to Think About

I promise, a real post (with real words, and real thoughts, and real substance) will come soon. But until then...

Fears of a Feminist Father

And, of course, in order to get the full idea from any blog post, you have to read all the way through all the comments in order to glean from the post-post discussion. Thoughts, many thoughts.


Love always,

12 January 2012

Some Random Thoughts About Church

My last class of the day was canceled. Yay!

  • Mormons should bring back beards. We've been studying George Albert Smith in Sunday School, right, who was probably one of the most downright awesome men to ever live. The guy was cool. And incredibly ahead of his time. And, incidentally, the last Church President to have facial hair. I think, to honor him this year, we should bring it back. Take the clean-shaven thing out of the BYU dress code. Let men in big leadership positions have all the facial hair they want. It's really a win-win for everyone.
  • What is the deal with wearing nylons? Some people have some really strong opinions about women wearing nylons with skirts. I'm not one of them. If it's a modesty issue... I only have this to say: Bare, my legs are only so-so. But put a pair a nylons on them and they miraculously transform into dangerously sexy. It's kind of traumatic for me, actually. So if the thing we're worried about is modesty, less clothes is actually better for me in this case. (I have an argument that completely nude is actually the most modest option, but I'll save that for another day.)
  • This is really funny.
That's all. More later.

Love always,

09 January 2012


Ah... so, I don't have time to blog. But I have time to read what other people say. That's always so much easier.

Why "Yes, But" Is the Wrong Response to Misogyny (I like this one bunches)

Marketing by Masculinizing the Feminine (This is funny. But it raises some interesting points.)

On Chris Brown & Why We Must Take Domestic Violence More Seriously

Iowa Caucus: What's in it for Women? (I hate that I'm linking to the Huffington Post. But it's thought-provoking, so I'll deal.)

"Baby Lips": Thanks for the Infantilization, Maybelline

Gender is NOT a Genre

The Death of Pretty (This one had me saying bad words all up and down the walls. Ug.)

Measuring Modesty

Fun With Skinny Jeans, Or the Lack Thereof

How Creepy Conservative Christian Modesty Doctrines Harm Young Women

Islamic cleric bans women from touching bananas, cucumbers for sexual resemblance (Those sexy, sexy vegetables.)

Schrodinger's Rapist (Awesome.)

And you... before you ask... I tried. I really did. For about two days, and then I gave up because I ran out of material. Entire internet vs. lds.org? Guess who lost.

Love always,