11 December 2011


So... Proctor and Gamble sent me a 'birthday present' for my eighteenth a few weeks ago. To my parents' house. One of these:

Yes, that's right. A men's razor.

I have a number of questions--

  1. What?
  2. Do they think I am a male?
  3. If so, does turning eighteen suddenly make me eligible to shave? Were I male, I hopefully would have been shaving long before now.
  4. How did they get my name?
  5. How did they get my parents' address? I haven't put their address down on anything with my name for at least six months.
  6. How did they know when my birthday was? And finally,
  7. How am I possibly their target demographic? Though it looks mighty fine and razory, really, I have no reason to favor a man's razor over the 600 disposable women's razors I have somehow mysteriously acquired from various sources over the past year or so (Seriously, I have a five-year supply of disposable razors. Anybody want a few?). At barely eighteen, I'm not even married to their target demographic. I don't understand.
Addressing a man's razor to a "Ashley Schaffer" seems counterintuitive. Nearly all Ashleys have been female for, like, thirty+ years.

Ha. Whatever.

I discovered it last night, when I came back to the house for the first time in a few weeks, and gave it to Tall One as an early Christmas Present--hoping against hope that he would show immediate interest in using it (as if the 'you need to shave' comments from nearly everyone he comes across, the razors my grandmother bought him the other day, and mine and Dad's constant picking on him wasn't hint enough). No such luck, yet.


Love always,

P.S. - I did give him a haircut though, so now he looks (almost) human.

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